SPAM
TRAP
This is the text of an e-mail sent by this web publisher to
U.S. Representative John Baldacci of Maine.
I just told a half dozen spammers in my Outlook inbox to
“remove” me. Two of the instructions immediately came back
as undeliverable. Catching a spammer is like trapping a
fart in a dumpster, but I believe it can be done. What
follows is a serious proposal.
Since the spammers only laugh at laws requiring a “remove”
procedure, and since the problem is only going to generate
more and more complaints to legislators, I have a *simple*
idea to keep some computer-savvy interns or maybe federal
prisoners busy and having fun destroying spam.
We don’t need an elaborate National Clean E-mail Act with
riders to improve the transportation infrastructure of West
Virginia. It can be a simple Department of Justice
campaign. (Scofflaw spammers are inviting entrapment by the
feds.)
Here’s how:
1. Provide an e-mail address where people who are fed
up with spam can forward it to the DOJ, e.g.,
nospam@justice.gov. From there, Justice would forward it to
the geeks at Leavenworth or Sing-Sing, or the Hart Office
Building or wherever.
2. Since a spammer will alter his identity, message after
message, have the geeks sort it by content. Exact matches
of content will be easy enough, (by product offered,
phrase-for-phrase matches in the messages’ descriptions of
the products’ virtues, number to call, etc.).
3. When we U.S. citizens have forwarded enough examples of
the same amazing offer, say 1,000 separate submissions, let
the geeks ORDER what the spam offers – credit, porn, herbal
health aids, or whatever. The spammers won’t pay attention
to whether it was the original recipient who orders, since
they disguise that too. (The “to” line of mine is normally
addressed to “undisclosed recipients” or to an e-mail
address that bears no resemblance to my true e-mail
address.)
4. If the spammer has a phone, the fedgov can give itself a
search warrant to enter the place where the controlling
phone company has provided the line with that number. (The
FBI can still find out where a phone rings, I assume.) Nab
whoever is answering the phone when the prisoners or
interns call in an order.
5. If the spammer works strictly by taking credit card
numbers over the Internet (from the ½ of 1% who take a
chance on the “product”), his ability to process credit
cards has to be arranged with some bank (or euphemism for a
bank) somewhere. When the credit card has actually been
billed, use the search warrant to trace the bank that made
the business arrangement with the spammer to process his
credit card sales, and from that information, locate the
spammer. If the spammer is working from campground to
campground and using a cell phone, just freeze his bank
assets and wait for him to come down to the bank and ask
for an explanation.
I realize that a lot of spam comes from overseas. Software
will eventually be available to intercept those messages
with certain key words or with large message headers full
of “undisclosed recipients.”
I also realize that there are plenty of legitimate business
using e-mail lists gleaned from willing customer responses.
These businesses will provide a “remove” option *that
works* and therefore they won’t comprise a significant
proportion of the e-mail forwarded to the investigators for
entrapment.
Here’s an example of the frustrating e-mail that put me
over the edge. It wanted to lure me to
www.americansmokeshop.com, where I “may smoke all famous US
and European brands at highly competitive price.”
Translated from what language do you suppose? I have an
effective firewall installed, so I went to their web site
and located this address and phone number to contact them:
CORSO SAN GOTTARDO 32
6830 CHIASSO
Fax: +1 (202) 318-8895
What do you suppose the post office would say tomorrow if I
ask for the correct postage for that address? A clue is on
one of their web pages: “This site operates in accordance
with Swiss law.” As it happens, I know Chiasso is a town is
Switzerland. I’ve criss-crossed that part of Switzerland
with a backpack and would wager they speak Romansh. But
would the USPS know that?
Their message claims I’ll never hear from them again so
they have no “remove” option. But they won’t be able to
separate me from the next e-mail list they purchase, so I
*will* hear from them again. Since its strictly ESL for
them, a filter with a grammar checker will be able to
remove much of this kind of spam eventually. (Oh, and their
index (main) web page carries a huge banner combining a
U.S. flag and the Statue of Liberty.)
As my representative, I'm telling you: Entertaining this
request is one significant thing you can do for me and for
many others I know while you’re in Washington, D.C. Thanks!
2002
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